Sunday, October 16, 2011

SAHDs v Pastors

So it's not news that some pastors don't think at-home dads are "manly" enough.

Maybe it was hanging out with 60 at-home dads for the weekend, but it made me think, "What is it about the job of pastor they think is so much manlier than what I do?"

And while I don't know these pastors personally, I have known pastors and I have consulted the interweb to try to figure out what a pastor's job entails.

So with those experiences and my experiences as an at-home dad as well as gleaning from the experiences of other at-home dads I have done a little comparison. Your millage may vary.

Pastor: 9:00am - opens his day a Starbucks for quiet time, reflection and prayer.

At-Home Dad: 6:00am - start getting backpacks ready for school. get kids up and fix them breakfast. pack lunches. get the kids on the bus.

Pastor: 10:00am - staff meeting

At-Home Dad: 10:00am - load of laundry. scrub toilets. vacuum the stairs.

Pastor: 11:00am - lunch with other local pastors.

At-Home Dad: 11:00am - volunteer for recess duty at school.

Pastor: 12:00pm - sermon prep. reading books. studying. writing the sermon.

At-Home Dad: 12:00pm - grocery shopping. next load of laundry. mop the kitchen.

Pastor: 3:00pm - counseling appointment.

At-Home Dad: 3:00pm - pick up kids from bus stop. help with homework.

Pastor: 4:00pm - head home to see the family. feel good about todays work.

At-Home Dad: 4:00pm - start dinner prep. try to keep the kids entertained while cooking. maybe get one more load of laundry done.

Perhaps this isn't the most accurate daily schedule. And if you are an at-home dad to young kids then your schedule is even crazier. But there is nothing about the job of pastor that is particularly "manly" as these guys would define it.

And they would be fine if I cooked meals, but got a paycheck for it. They wouldn't mind if I was a janitor and cleaned toilets and got a paycheck for it. I would be manly enough if I worked in a laundromat and brought home a paycheck for washing clothes.

So it comes down to the money. So one more comparison.

At-Home Dad: The family income comes from the wife who provides a valuable service to the community while he provides for his family by taking care of all that things that make a household run and raising kids.

Pastor: His family income comes from convincing people who provide valuable services to the community to part with some of that money because he has been called by God to be over them. And that usually includes money earned by WOMEN.

This is not meant to rag on all pastors. I suspect most do not share the feelings of the pastors that believe that men who stay at home are not "manly." But there are enough that do believe that, well to you I say, I believe my job to be a lot "manlier" than your job.

And the good news is society is changing. Gender roles are changing. What it means to "provide" is changing. And as society changes, pastors like these will become more and more irrelevant.

So I should probably let this go already. While they haven't said anything recently, they continue to stand by and even promote these videos. So to you I say...

And this guy wants to call me lazy, like he has ever been on a treadmill.


Team Hossman said...


Bill Ekhardt said...

My daily life in full time ministry was not nearly as easy as the schedule you've posted, but I've often thought that raising my four children was much more stressful than being a pastor.

I would note, though, that pastors are creating value. It is just not a value sold in the market place (unless you are writing books) or recognized by traditional capitalism. I expect, Chad, that you also believe they are creating value.

MileHighDad said...

Bill, in your response to Chad's article, it could be read in that you don't see any value in what we do and knowing you, I know better than that. When a child's fever breaks under our watch, and the child can now sleep fitfully, we provided value. I would say we are creating exceptional value to our family’s livelihood in many other ways as well, but like you said, this is just not a value sold in the market place.
We all have a spouse that puts a high value on the service we provide.
I would never debate you on the value of a pastor, and there are times in a pastor’s life that we could never handle. But in defense of our work, there are times that a pastor wouldn’t want to walk in our shoes and look to be bailed out.
We are men who contribute to society in a very unique role...


Bill Ekhardt said...

Mike, I think we share the same perspective.

Chad said...

Bill, I'm sorry if I was unclear in my post. I was not trying to say that Pastors have no value, only that there is nothing particularly "manly" about the job of pastor compared to being a stay at home dad.

Certainly I used a truncated schedule for my point, but I would stand by the fact that there is nothing in the pastor's schedule that makes the job more "manly" than what you and I and many other do.

When I was a web designer I worked in a office each day. I spent most of my day behind a computer writing code or working on images. There was nothing particularly "manly" about that. It doesn't mean the job didn't have value but I wasn't bench pressing trees or beating people up or whatever else these pastors might consider "manly."

Like I said in the post, I don't think most pastors feel this way, but I do believe there are quite a few that do, and certainly some prominent ones do.

And once again, it comes down to where the money comes from. In the end it is not the fact that I cook or clean or take care of kids, it is that I don't earn a paycheck for it. There definition of provide doesn't include things you don't earn a paycheck for.

If you ever do decide to enter the pulpit again you might want to consider becoming a Baptist preacher though, I think their schedules are easier. :)

Bill Ekhardt said...

We, too, are on the same page, Chad.